Aging in Place is something we usually don’t think about until it becomes an issue. 90% of seniors want to stay in their homes, they know where everything is, they know the neighbors and everything is familiar to them.  They have a routine.  As we age, a house becomes more of a burden than the family home it once was.  If your decision is to age in place for as long as possible, then you need to plan ahead.  That plan needs to begin before it becomes necessary. 

Questions to Ask Yourself about Aging In Place

What are the financial costs to make essential modifications and maintenance to your home? 

Is your home in a more rural area?  Aging eyes often have problems driving in the dark and the location may reduce their ability to attend social outings and family gatherings.

Are there still friends and family close by?  If friends and family may have moved away, it will lead to isolation.

How far away is medical assistance?

What factors determine that it is no longer safe?  Some factors include safety from falls, chronic illnesses, loss of a spouse, malnutrition, isolation, break-ins, scams and more. How self-reliant are you?  How much can you rely on family, friends and other outside services?   Making a decision about that ahead of time takes the emotion out of the question and you will make the decision with a clearer head.

Or are you going to downsize?  Aging in Place may mean selling the family home but it doesn’t mean moving to an institution. Aging in Place has many different faces. A move to an apartment or condo does mean a smaller living space but it also means a lot less maintenance and upkeep.  There is no yard to tend, no snow to shovel or walls that need painting.  The plumber, HVAC technicians and electricians are only a phone call away to the manager.

Moving in with a family member or friend is another option. This option works best for all parties concerned when you have your own private space and you downsize before moving. If a private space isn’t available then perhaps remodeling a section or having an addition put on the house.  Inviting someone who is younger to come live with you is another choice.  As with any of the other options, a good deal has to be considered such as how well do you really know them, what are their lifestyles and personalities like.

If the best decision is to remain in your home, then there are ways to help you reduce your dependency.

Take Inventory of Possibly Aging in Place

Make a list of regular maintenance tasks.  For example, cleaning gutters.  It can be a hazardous job climbing a latter and reaching for the debris.  Solution: Install gutter guards.  Now you are no long going to have to rely on someone to do it.  Digging for things in kitchen cabinets…get pullout shelves.  Look for trip hazards, such as throw rugs, cords and uneven flooring.  Do hand rails need to be installed in the bathroom?  There is a comprehensive list on this website.

De-clutter to Safely Age in Place

Clear hallways and entrances reduce your chances of falling.  If you can’t freely move through you space with ease then you are inviting a fall.  Closets and cabinets that are overflowing pose the threat of having something fall on you and possibly leave you unconscious.  What served you in the past will not necessarily serve you in the future.  Your safety is paramount.

Your Golden Years

I don’t know where that phrase came from, perhaps the gold of a setting sun.  No matter.  What does matter is that you have lived a life that isn’t over, you have worked, endured, possibly raised a family.  Look at your hands and think about all they have done.  Now you should live your best life under the best circumstances for you.   

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The longer we live, the more we need  to de-clutter the representations but not the memories we collect.  Some collections are occupying too much living space and others are stored somewhere.  More times then not, they are forgotten.  I had an experience with the loss of one of my representations of memories with a dearly loved one.

My Grandmother’s Bowl

It’s a beautiful bowl from the Art Deco Era.  It’s beauty extends beyond its physical appearance through my memories.  Memories of going to grandma’s house for holiday dinners.  We always went to my mother’s parents house.  I was a young child and both of my grandparents were still alive.  I can still picture my family sitting around the table filled with food and chatter.  For me, that bowl symbolized the feelings I experienced having holidays at grandma’s house.  

During my last visit to my mom’s, she brought me over to her china hutch and said “Take whatever you want.  I am de-cluttering.”  So I took this bowl.  When I came home, I put it in my china hutch.

A short time later, on a beautiful, sunny summer day I came home with some big dark red cherries.  As I walked past the china hutch, I caught the sight of the bowl out of the corner of my eye.  I decided that these beautiful cherries deserved a beautiful bowl.  So, I took grandma’s bowl out of the hutch and filled it with cherries.  The bowl went in the fridge and for the most of cherry season, I refilled it with nature’s bounty.  One day, as I was putting the bowl back in the fridge, it tapped a shelf, cracked and then split into 2 pieces. 

Devastation!

Yes at first, I was devastated.  But when I really thought about it, I had used the bowl and not just let it sit on a shelf.  It became part of the fabric of our lives.  Every time I opened the refrigerator door I would see the bowl and smile to myself.  It had given me more.  Granted, it is gone, but I still have my memories.

You won’t Lose Your Memories if You De-Clutter if You De-Clutter Your Representations

Here are some ways for de-cluttering while still retaining the representations.  One of the easiest ways is to make them useful if possible.  Another is to display them where they can give you pleasure on a daily basis.  You could take a picture of the item(s), frame them and hang them on your walls.  This works particularly well with items, artwork and awards from your children’s life.  Also is good for large items.

A method to If you have too many representations of memories in your house, de-clutter by thinking about downsizing as if you are going to move into a smaller home.  This forces you to examine how much you care about that particular memory.

“Memory is the guardian and treasury of all things.”

~MARCUS CICERO

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Did you know?

Make up a Give Back Box (or 2) this Holiday Season and all year long. Contact me for more information

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The problem lies in the emotional attachment to too many things

The belief that objects are of greater value than just their function or appearance

The Empty Chair

is an emotional attachment and is symbolic of the missing person in our life.  The chair on its own has no emotion.  It is who sat in that chair is what attaches emotion to the chair.  Leaving the chair in the room is a constant reminder of what was.  The past and not the future.  Will you forget the person who sat in that chair if the chair is no longer there?  I think for some that is a real fear, if the chair goes away, the memory goes with it.  Do you think you could completely erase them from your brain because an object is gone.

It is better for your mental health if there isn’t a constant reminder that the person is no longer with you in the physical world.  Not having constant reminders will help you to live in the present moment.

Gifts

 Guilt is the emotion often attached to gifts.  ‘So & So’ gave this to me.  Even though I don’t like it and use it, I can’t get rid of it.’  What is the purpose of a gift?  It is to let someone know that you care about them.  Once it is given, its job is done.  The object now belongs to you and it is yours to do with what you please.  Read this blog post to better understand the job of gifts Gifts Can Add to Clutter

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From where you are today, do you think you could be happier then you are now living in your current space?  Do you think that you can improve your mental health by having less clutter?  Where is your clutter? Is it  hidden behind closed doors or are you living in the midst of it?  Even for those with their clutter hidden behind closed doors, you still know it is there and it is the elephant in your head.  Good mental health is essential to living a happy and fulfilling life.

You can Improve Your Mental Health by…

Create in your mind your ideal space, your happy ending.  State your ‘Why’.  Write it down somewhere you can see it often.  Visualize what ever that is for you.  How will the room/closet look?  Picture yourself or someone else enjoying the space.  The more details you can add the better but the more important thing is to just start.

Keep the Faith

Know, and I do mean Know, not just think that it is possible.  Don’t do wishful thinking.  Don’t doubt it.  Know in your heart that you will prevail!  When you feel your motivation dwindling, Remember your ‘Why’.  Also, here are some inspirational quotes to keep you going.

• “Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein, Physicist
• “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” – Louise Smith, Racing Driver, “The First Lady of Racing”
• “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.” – Eleanor Brown, Author
• “Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don’t want to do it.” – Bobbi DePorter, Author and Educator
• “Don’t own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire.” – Wendell Berry, Novelist
• “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain, Writer and Humorist

Address the Reality of the Situation…What is the State of Your Mental Health?

Really take a look at the space.  Start by scanning the contents.  Where you eye pauses, ask yourself…

Why is it here?  Is it yours or is someone storing their things in your space?

Do I love it or need it?

Am I emotionally attached to it, if so what purpose does it serve in my life today?

Can I let go of it?

Emotional attachment is not the item itself but what it represents to you.

Then continue on scanning the room some more, asking yourself the same questions each time your eyes pause.

Then Make a Plan For a Happier You

Look for more on Emotional Attachment in the next in the series on the relationship between Mental Health and being Organized.

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was the overwhelming response to a poll I recently conducted in which I asked the question “What is your ‘why’ for being organized?”.  79% stated their mental well being as their reason for being organized.  The other responses they gave were;

just under 10% – Being an example to their kids

and just over 11% – Easier to find stuff

October is Mental Health Month.  The overwhelming response to my question, indicated how important mental health is in our society.  I was surprised at how many of the respondents stated that being organized is a contributing factor to their mental well being.  Yet it makes perfect sense.  When your space is organized, it, provides you with a feeling of having control over your space and not your environment controlling how you live.  During the pandemic, many experienced stress, anxiety, fear, sadness and loneliness.  For some, those who had pre-existing mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression, felt them worsen.

So let’s end the month with doing one thing to be more organized…clean out your junk drawer.  We all have at least one.  Pick one, empty it out, and put back only what you need, not what you think you might need at some distant date in the future, but what you need in the now.  If a future you does need it, junk drawer items are easily and inexpensively replaced.

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• a parent – sleep disruption and your clothes as napkins
• a chef – long hours on your feet
• a customer service rep – customers being disrespectful

Are those the things you thought of or was it holding that precious baby, the fabulous dishes you were going to create and how you were going to help people.  We all have certain expectations when we chose a career, relationship, lifestyle and hobbies.   The big and life changing choices definitely get more brain time than the small ones but we don’t always see all that comes with our choices.  The small ones get even less consideration but can have a compound effect on how we live our lives.

Visualize you are walking through Macy’s (or your favorite store) and you see the perfect outfit for you on a mannequin.  You exam it more closely, feel the fabric, maybe check the price.  You have decided that you must have it.  Now you stroll into the shoe department to find the perfect pair for your new fabulous outfit.  Next the jewelry department because it needs the perfect earrings.

Did it cross your mind where you were going to store these new purchases?  Therefore our expectations on a new outfit usually only focuses on the positive features of our gaining a new outfit, not on the flip side.  Your closet is already bulging, your shoe collection is sizable and your jewelry is all over the place.  It takes you a while to get ready in the morning because you can’t find what you want or you forgot what you have.  This is the compound effect of you shopping thought process and not making the decision to eliminate things that no longer fit or no longer serve your lifestyle.

Daily Choices

The choices you make daily determine your lifestyle.  What is the expectation if you decide not to fold and put the laundry away in a timely fashion, then your choice is to dig wrinkled clothes out of the laundry basket and have the laundry basket remind you of something you need to do.  What is the expectation if you decide not to do the dishes, at least on a daily basis, then you are inviting bugs, mold, order and a more unpleasant job of doing the dishes later.  These are not the expectations that are considered.  Think about the flip side you your daily choices and the compound effect they can have on the way you live and work.

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Let Your Life Story Be Clutter Free

Is clutter part of your life story?  Do you want clutter to continue to be part of your life story?  Or would you prefer for your life story to be clutter free.  Let your story change to the one want, to be one of strength.  You are stronger than you think.  Ask yourself what are the 3 worsts things that have happened to me.  Here are some events to help you get started.

• Loss of a loved one
• Setback in your career
• Disappointed by a loved one
• Feel Free to fill in your own

And are you are still standing?  You have faced and overcome as in the famous Elton John song…”Once I never could hope to win.  I’m still standing better than I ever did”.  This is what you need to remind yourself when you start negative self talk.  Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t to your best friend.

Update Your Story

First, what are your priorities?  Your priorities tell your ‘why’.  What is your North Star, your Lighthouse to keep you going in the right direction.  Writing your eulogy will tell you what your priorities truly are.  I can bet that clutter is not what how you want to be remembered.  In a survey of 2000 adults, the top 3 out of 20 were:

• A good person
• Kind
• Caring

A Good Life Story has Good Memories

Is clutter holding you back from creating certain activities to realize your priorities such as sitting down to dinner with your family, entertaining friends, and the list goes on.  The real diamond in this life is relationships and experiences.  If you lost everything tomorrow in a fire, you wouldn’t lose your relationships or memories created through experience.  Is clutter leading to negativity about yourself and your space?

You can do  this!  Getting rid of the clutter and organizing your space to fit your lifestyle is within your reach.

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Gifts are given with the intentions to please not to add to your clutter.

Happy girls exchanging gifts.

The Expression…

on those women’s faces says it all.  Those expressions indicate the emotions of the act of gift giving.  Both parties benefit from gift giving.  Gift giving from the heart strengthens relationships adding to the quality of life.  The recipient receives not only the gift but the feelings behind the gift.  The gift is a physical representation of the giver’s feelings.  The giver also receives the gift of making someone they care about feel good.  Those are only job of gift giving.  The given gift’s job is not meant to add to clutter but to evoke warm and fuzzy feelings, to let the recipient know how the gift giver feels about the receiver.  Job Done!

Gift Receiver, Don’t Let Guilt Allow Gifts to Add to Your Clutter

As much as we love the fact that someone thought enough about us to spend their time and money to give us something, we all have had those gifts from loved ones that didn’t fit in our life or has no real meaning for us.   They often don’t know what to do with it because they do not want to hurt the giver’s feelings.  Feeling guilty is a powerful emotion and can stand in the way of what is good for us.  Clutter is not good for us.  It takes up valuable space both physically and visually.

The Reality, We All Need Less Clutter

Once a gift is given than it no longer belongs to the giver.  It now belongs to the receiver.   The receiver can now do anything they please with the gift.  The giver should not be displeased or upset if they don’t use the gift as the they intended.  It is no longer theirs and the gift did its job.  Keeping items that have no place in your life out of guilt only adds to your clutter.  Regifting is a wonderful option, if it is the right gift for the intended recipient.

‘I love that you thought of me and took your valuable time and money to give me this gift.  Know that your gift has done its job and I thank you.’  If you must own up to the fact that the gift has moved on…’I am hoping that it makes someone as happy as I was when I received it.’

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There are many different types of decluttering traps that are the result of emotional attachment.  Emotion, not need nor desire, has been attached to things.  Let’s just jump right in.

The first decluttering traps caused by emotional attachment are routed in money

1. Maybe someday… I will loose weight. Keeping clothes that are either too small is a reminder that you have not achieved your goal and that you are not happy with your physical self. If you loose weight you deserve a new wardrobe since what you are holding onto is most likely outdated.
2. I will need it, I will fix it. Someday is only a possibility of a possible state in the future. Why let it stay in the present? Now is your reality.
3. ‘Just in case’… is the first cousin of Maybe someday.
4. I paid good money for that. It’s usefulness for you has past. The time has come to donate, recycle or trash it.

Then there are things that belonged to other people that have become a decluttering trap for you.

1. That belonged to my mother, husband, child, etc. Disposing of family and other loved ones possessions that are no longer in your life, doesn’t mean that you will forget about them. Keep no more that 3 things from a past love one if you must. Let the rest go, you are not letting go of your memories and you need to make space in your life for new.
2. For some parents, it is difficult to let go of the child at each stage of development. They tend to hang onto their artwork, their clothes and outgrown toys. Consider how you have to let go along the way. Most importantly, parents want their children become all they can and grow into responsible adults. They are ours only for a short time as it should be.
3. It was a gift. Think about why you received the gift. You were the recipient of a gift from someone who cares about you. As a result of someone’s thoughtfulness, the gift invoked warm and fuzzy feelings in you. The gift has already done its job. It achieved what it was intended to do. You know the saying ‘It’s not the gift that counts but the thought behind it’. Regifting is perfectly fine if it can give someone else that feeling of express affection.
4. Are you storing other people’s things and it is causing a problem for you?  Perhaps when your parents moved in they didn’t rightsize.  Has your child moved out and left their stuff? Perhaps you don’t want to offend them. It’s your house, if it is a problem for you, then they should rent a storage unit if they have to.

Big Question; If you lost it would you replace it?

Emotion is a very strong motivator for the way we behave. Decluttering is an emotional journey, however, it is also a cleansing journey. Prepare yourself mentally. Getting really motivated and visualizing what you house will look like when you are done, will result in helping you stay the course. It is easier to clean. As a result, friends and family are invited over more often. Likewise, when you need something, you be able to find it. Most of all, realize that you will be living in the now, today and not in the past.

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