Don’t despair if there are too many wants.

There are so many choices when you go shopping. What store(s) are you going to? There are racks and racks of clothes, shoes, accessories and many other beautiful things. Your intention might be to purchase a needed item, but you have to shop through the store to find it. You might find yourself passing by a gorgeous vase that says ‘buy me’. Do you really need it? Or just want it? These are the two questions you should be asking yourself. Doing this mental thought process does two things for you. First it reduces your credit card debt. Secondly it reduces the amount of stuff in your space. However, you…

Just Have to Have it.

You have walked around the store. You are trying to talk yourself out of it because you are trying to decide between want vs need. There are times when you just have to have it. We are human and we want some pleasure in our lives. If looking at that gorgeous vase gives you visual pleasure, buy it if you can afford it. Promise your self that it is a replacement for one you are not crazy about. The next step is to donate or give it away. Put it in your car so it is convenient to pass it on. It leaves you with the same amount of vases and you have not added more stuff to your space. Just $ to your credit card.

Put it All in Your Shopping Cart

When my granddaughter was younger, she used to visit us and stay for a week or more. We didn’t live close. My toy inventory was low, I would take her shopping. She liked to go to Target. She was under 5 and the toy department was the only one that interested her. I let her fill the cart with every thing that caught her eye. When we were done. I would tell her you can have only 1 thing. She would go through all of her chosen items and really review how much she wanted each one. The toy she picked, she played with a lot. As she grew, and her toy collection grew, we would go through her toys. She would donate or give away the ones she had outgrown. Doing that with the child, gives them control over their possessions. It also instills the practice of purging no longer useful items.

I use this method myself. I put things I think I need or want in the cart. Before I check out, I examine the items again. Upon further examination, without emotion, is it something I need vs want? I put back at least half.

Buying Something Just to Buy

Now she is 10 and we live much further away (about 1000 miles apart). We only get to see her twice a year now. We go shopping. It gives me pleasure to buy something that she wants. We usually go to a mall because that is where the trampoline park is located. We go to one of her favorite stores. She desperately looks for something to buy. It is like she needs to buy something. I can tell when this is the situation. I tell her let’s go look at the other store, maybe you will see something better. If not we can come back to this store. She agrees. We usually go to about 5 or 6 stores and then she gets excited because she has found something perfect. I remind her. I say that if we had bought the item in the first store, you would not have this item. She has learned that this is a better way to shop. So walk around, maybe you will see something you like more. You can always go back or you don’t buy anything.

Don’t Go Shopping Without a Need.

Do you go shopping because you are bored? Chances are you will find something that you want to buy. This is the worst time to go shopping. You may have trouble determining need vs. want. There is also another side to that coin. When you walk into a store, there is an implied expectation that you have to buy something. You don’t have to. Don’t let the implied expectation rule. It’s okay to leave the store empty handed.

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Aging in Place is something we usually don’t think about until it becomes an issue. 90% of seniors want to stay in their homes. They know where everything is, they know the neighbors and everything is familiar to them.  They have a routine.  As we age, a house becomes more of a burden than the family home it once was.  If your decision is to age in place for as long as possible, then you need to plan ahead.  That plan needs to begin before it becomes necessary. 

Questions to Ask Yourself about Aging In Place

What are the financial costs to make essential modifications and maintenance to your home? 

Is your home in a more rural area?  Aging eyes often have problems driving in the dark. The location may reduce their ability to attend social outings and family gatherings.

Are there still friends and family close by?  If friends and family may have moved away, it will lead to isolation.

How far away is medical assistance?

What factors determine that it is no longer safe?  Some factors include safety from falls, chronic illnesses, loss of a spouse, malnutrition, isolation, break-ins, scams and more. How self-reliant are you?  How much can you rely on family, friends and other outside services?   Making a decision about that ahead of time takes the emotion out of the question. You will make the decision with a clearer head.

Or are you going to downsize?  Aging in Place may mean selling the family home but it doesn’t mean moving to an institution. Aging in Place has many different faces. A move to an apartment or condo does mean a smaller living space with a lot less maintenance and upkeep.  There is no yard to tend, no snow to shovel or walls that need painting.  The plumber, HVAC technicians and electricians are only a phone call away to the manager.

Moving in with a family member or friend is another option. This option works best for all parties concerned when you have your own private space and you downsize before moving. If a private space isn’t available then perhaps remodeling a section or having an addition put on the house.  Inviting someone who is younger to come live with you is another choice.  As with any of the other options, a good deal has to be considered. Such as, how well do you really know them. What are their lifestyles and personalities like.

If the best decision is to remain in your home, then there are ways to help you reduce your dependency.

Take Inventory of Possibly Aging in Place

Make a list of regular maintenance tasks.  For example, cleaning gutters.  It can be a hazardous job climbing a ladder and reaching for the debris.  Solution: Install gutter guards.  Now you are no long going to have to rely on someone to do it.  Digging for things in kitchen cabinets…get pullout shelves.  Look for trip hazards, such as, throw rugs, cords and uneven flooring.  Do hand rails need to be installed in the bathroom?  There is a comprehensive list on this website.

De-clutter to Safely Age in Place

Clear hallways and entrances reduce your chances of falling.  If you can’t freely move through you space with ease then you are inviting a fall.  Closets and cabinets that are overflowing pose the threat of having something fall on you and possibly leave you unconscious.  What served you in the past will not necessarily serve you in the future.  Your safety is paramount.

Your Golden Years

I don’t know where that phrase came from, perhaps the gold of a setting sun.  No matter.  What does matter is that you have lived a life that isn’t over. You have worked, endured, possibly raised a family.  Look at your hands and think about all they have done.  Now you should live your best life under the best circumstances for you.   

Updated December 11 2024

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Happy girls exchanging gifts.

The Expression…

on those women’s faces says it all.  Those expressions indicate the emotions of the act of gift giving.  Both parties benefit from gift giving.  Gift giving from the heart strengthens relationships adding to the quality of life.  The recipient receives not only the gift but the feelings behind the gift.  The gift is a physical representation of the giver’s feelings.  The giver also receives the gift of making someone they care about feel good.  Those are only jobs of gift giving.  The given gift’s job is not meant to add to clutter but to evoke warm and fuzzy feelings. It is to let the recipient know how the gift giver feels about them.  Job Done!

Gift Receiver, Don’t Let Guilt Allow Gifts to Add to Your Clutter

We love the fact that someone thought enough about us to spend their time and money to give us something. We all have had those gifts from loved ones that didn’t fit in our life or our taste.   They often don’t know what to do with it because they do not want to hurt the giver’s feelings.  Feeling guilty is a powerful emotion and can stand in the way of what is good for us.  Clutter is not good for us.  It takes up valuable space both physically and visually.

The Reality, We All Need Less Clutter

Once a gift is given than it no longer belongs to the giver.  It now belongs to the receiver.   The receiver can now do anything they please with the gift.  The giver should not be displeased or upset if they don’t use the gift as the they intended.  It is no longer theirs and the gift did its job.  Keeping items that have no place in your life out of guilt only adds to your clutter.  Regifting is a wonderful option, if it is the right gift for the intended recipient.

‘I love that you thought of me and took your valuable time and money to give me this gift.  Know that your gift has done its job and I thank you.’  If you must own up to the fact that the gift has moved on…’I am hoping that it makes someone as happy as I was when I received it.’

Updated December 11 2024

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Did you know?

Make up a Give Back Box (or 2) this Holiday Season and all year long. Contact me for more information

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The problem lies in the emotional attachment to too many things

The belief that objects are of greater value than just their function or appearance

The Empty Chair

is an emotional attachment and is symbolic of the missing person in our life.  The chair on its own has no emotion.  It is who sat in that chair is what attaches emotion to the chair.  Leaving the chair in the room is a constant reminder of what was.  The past and not the future.  Will you forget the person who sat in that chair if the chair is no longer there?  I think for some that is a real fear, if the chair goes away, the memory goes with it.  Do you think you could completely erase them from your brain because an object is gone.

It is better for your mental health if there isn’t a constant reminder that the person is no longer with you in the physical world.  Not having constant reminders will help you to live in the present moment.

Gifts

 Guilt is the emotion often attached to gifts.  ‘So & So’ gave this to me.  Even though I don’t like it and use it, I can’t get rid of it.’  What is the purpose of a gift?  It is to let someone know that you care about them.  Once it is given, its job is done.  The object now belongs to you and it is yours to do with what you please.  Read this blog post to better understand the job of gifts Gifts Can Add to Clutter

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From where you are today, do you think you could be happier then you are now living in your current space?  Do you think that you can improve your mental health by having less clutter?  Where is your clutter? Is it  hidden behind closed doors or are you living in the midst of it?  Even for those with their clutter hidden behind closed doors, you still know it is there and it is the elephant in your head.  Good mental health is essential to living a happy and fulfilling life.

You can Improve Your Mental Health by…

Create in your mind your ideal space, your happy ending.  State your ‘Why’.  Write it down somewhere you can see it often.  Visualize what ever that is for you.  How will the room/closet look?  Picture yourself or someone else enjoying the space.  The more details you can add the better but the more important thing is to just start.

Keep the Faith

Know, and I do mean Know, not just think that it is possible.  Don’t do wishful thinking.  Don’t doubt it.  Know in your heart that you will prevail!  When you feel your motivation dwindling, Remember your ‘Why’.  Also, here are some inspirational quotes to keep you going.

• “Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein, Physicist
• “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” – Louise Smith, Racing Driver, “The First Lady of Racing”
• “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.” – Eleanor Brown, Author
• “Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don’t want to do it.” – Bobbi DePorter, Author and Educator
• “Don’t own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire.” – Wendell Berry, Novelist
• “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain, Writer and Humorist

Address the Reality of the Situation…What is the State of Your Mental Health?

Really take a look at the space.  Start by scanning the contents.  Where you eye pauses, ask yourself…

Why is it here?  Is it yours or is someone storing their things in your space?

Do I love it or need it?

Am I emotionally attached to it, if so what purpose does it serve in my life today?

Can I let go of it?

Emotional attachment is not the item itself but what it represents to you.

Then continue on scanning the room some more, asking yourself the same questions each time your eyes pause.

Then Make a Plan For a Happier You

Look for more on Emotional Attachment in the next in the series on the relationship between Mental Health and being Organized.

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It’s Difficult to Live a Normal Life in Abnormal Surroundings.

Here’s how Clutter Affects Your Health, Relationships, Career, and Finances.

How clutter affects your health and more were analyzed by Storage company Make Space through various studies on clutter and hoarding.  They spoke to psychotherapists, physicians, and professional organizers to learn more about the psychological reasons for clutter and its negative effects.

Clutter Affects Your health

Your apartment isn’t the only thing affected by over-accumulation of stuff. Clutter affects your health with tangible effects on your mental and physical wellbeing.

1 – Increases your stress

Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found people with cluttered homes full of unfinished projects had more depression, fatigue, and had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who described their homes as “restful” and “restorative.”

Cortisol declines normally during the day.  The study also mentions that as a result of cortisol’s failure to decline normally over the course of the day has “been associated with greater chronic stress, disease progression, and even mortality risk.”

2 – Wrecks your diet

A study in Psychological Science found that participants in an orderly environment chose healthier snacks than those in a cluttered environment.  Therefore, to loose weight, loose the clutter.

“Clutter is stressful for the brain, so you’re more likely to resort to coping mechanisms such as choosing comfort foods or overeating than if you spend time in neater surroundings,” explains Dr Eva Shaloub.

3 – Triggers respiratory issues

The harder it gets to access different areas of the home to clean, the more serious these respiratory issues become.  Studies have found clutter affects your health in homes due to a higher percentage of more dust.  Subsequently can cause or amplify breathing problems.

As more things pile up, more dust is generated. This creates the ideal living environment for pests like dust mites.

4 – Threatens your safety

Mental health experts have warned that excessive amounts of clutter – especially cardboard boxes, paper, and clothing – can block doorways and windows, creating a serious fire hazard.  It also creates more opportunities for tripping and falling.

Clutter hurts your relationships

If you share your home with others, excessive clutter is no longer just a “you” problem. Clutter in your home can also negatively impact the lives of your significant other and kid(s).

1 – Jeopardizes your love life

People with hoarding disorder persistently have difficulty getting rid of things because of a perceived need to save them. They also feel distressed at the thought of parting with their belongings. This can take a toll on one’s marriage.  Studies have shown that compulsive hoarders have higher rates of divorce.

Clutter’s negative impact on marriage is not limited to hoarders. “Spouses of a cluttered person who are bothered by the condition of the environment express their discomfort in judgment, negative comments, name calling, anger and irritability,” writes Debbie Bowie, a Certified Professional Organizer.

2 – Upsets your kids

If you have kids, they too can feel the negative effects of a cluttered home. Studies have shown that kids living in a severely cluttered environment often have elevated levels of distress, experiencing less happiness and more difficulty making friends.

3 – Isolates you

The cleanliness of your home can affect your desire to invite anyone into it. To clarify, Rubbermaid conducted a survey by Russell Research. Nearly half of surveyed homeowners said they won’t invite friends over if their home is cluttered.

Try not to go too far in the opposite direction.  Though, as living in an overly tidy and controlled environment can also cause stress. According to Kellie Rice Psy.D., CGP, that level of anxiety makes it hard for someone to leave the house because he/she is so preoccupied with whether or not it’s neat enough.

Clutter derails your career

“If a person doesn’t have control over their home environment, they use work as an escape,” says Connor McClenahan Psy.D.  People with messy tendencies rarely confine their disorganization to just their homes. Meaning that chaos can seep into your professional life, too.

1 – Less Promotions

A chaotic desk, an untidy briefcase or purse, and an undefined filing system (or no filing system at all) can all have a major impact on your job performance.  A CareerBuilder study found that 28 per cent of employers are less likely to promote someone with a messy workspace.

2 – Makes you miss work

Researchers have found compulsive hoarding was associated with an average of seven work impairment days per month.  That’s more than those reported by participants with other anxiety, mood, and substance abuse disorders.

3 – Decreases productivity

A cluttered environment lets the chaos inhibits your ability to focus. A study by the Princeton University Neuroscience Institute observed that “multiple stimuli present in the visual field at the same time compete for neural representation.”

A desk strewn with papers, snacks, photos, and pens will probably beat out any kind of productivity you had planned for the day. The research also shows that a clean work environment will help you be more productive, less moody, and better able to process information.

Clutter drains your wallet

A messy home can negatively affect how you manage your finances. Subsequently it can lead to poor money management and severe debt. There are solutions to these issues, therefore being able to find your electric bill is a good place to start.

1 – Encourages bad spending habits

A cluttered home makes it easy to misplace things. If you can’t find an item, like your yoga mat or your dog’s favorite toy, you might buy a duplicate.  This habit, combined with spending a lot of money to hoard items, can get you into debt.

2 – Keeps you in debt

As a result of clutter, it is difficult to locate credit card bills and bank statements. Consequently, another lost bill leads to another late payment. Suddenly, you’re dealing with additional fees, higher interest rates, or even collection agencies.

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Let Your Life Story Be Clutter Free

Is clutter part of your life story?  Do you want clutter to continue to be part of your life story?  Or would you prefer for your life story to be clutter free.  Let your story change to the one want, to be one of strength.  You are stronger than you think.  Ask yourself what are the 3 worsts things that have happened to me.  Here are some events to help you get started.

• Loss of a loved one
• Setback in your career
• Disappointed by a loved one
• Feel Free to fill in your own

And are you are still standing?  You have faced and overcome as in the famous Elton John song…”Once I never could hope to win.  I’m still standing better than I ever did”.  This is what you need to remind yourself when you start negative self talk.  Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t to your best friend.

Update Your Story

First, what are your priorities?  Your priorities tell your ‘why’.  What is your North Star, your Lighthouse to keep you going in the right direction.  Writing your eulogy will tell you what your priorities truly are.  I can bet that clutter is not what how you want to be remembered.  In a survey of 2000 adults, the top 3 out of 20 were:

• A good person
• Kind
• Caring

A Good Life Story has Good Memories

Is clutter holding you back from creating certain activities to realize your priorities such as sitting down to dinner with your family, entertaining friends, and the list goes on.  The real diamond in this life is relationships and experiences.  If you lost everything tomorrow in a fire, you wouldn’t lose your relationships or memories created through experience.  Is clutter leading to negativity about yourself and your space?

You can do  this!  Getting rid of the clutter and organizing your space to fit your lifestyle is within your reach.

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There are many different types of decluttering traps that are the result of emotional attachment.  Emotion, not need nor desire, has been attached to things.  Let’s just jump right in.

The first decluttering traps caused by emotional attachment are routed in money

1. Maybe someday… I will loose weight. Keeping clothes that are either too small is a reminder that you have not achieved your goal and that you are not happy with your physical self. If you loose weight you deserve a new wardrobe since what you are holding onto is most likely outdated.
2. I will need it, I will fix it. Someday is only a possibility of a possible state in the future. Why let it stay in the present? Now is your reality.
3. ‘Just in case’… is the first cousin of Maybe someday.
4. I paid good money for that. It’s usefulness for you has past. The time has come to donate, recycle or trash it.

Then there are things that belonged to other people that have become a decluttering trap for you.

1. That belonged to my mother, husband, child, etc. Disposing of family and other loved ones possessions that are no longer in your life, doesn’t mean that you will forget about them. Keep no more that 3 things from a past love one if you must. Let the rest go, you are not letting go of your memories and you need to make space in your life for new.
2. For some parents, it is difficult to let go of the child at each stage of development. They tend to hang onto their artwork, their clothes and outgrown toys. Consider how you have to let go along the way. Most importantly, parents want their children become all they can and grow into responsible adults. They are ours only for a short time as it should be.
3. It was a gift. Think about why you received the gift. You were the recipient of a gift from someone who cares about you. As a result of someone’s thoughtfulness, the gift invoked warm and fuzzy feelings in you. The gift has already done its job. It achieved what it was intended to do. You know the saying ‘It’s not the gift that counts but the thought behind it’. Regifting is perfectly fine if it can give someone else that feeling of express affection.
4. Are you storing other people’s things and it is causing a problem for you?  Perhaps when your parents moved in they didn’t rightsize.  Has your child moved out and left their stuff? Perhaps you don’t want to offend them. It’s your house, if it is a problem for you, then they should rent a storage unit if they have to.

Big Question; If you lost it would you replace it?

Emotion is a very strong motivator for the way we behave. Decluttering is an emotional journey, however, it is also a cleansing journey. Prepare yourself mentally. Getting really motivated and visualizing what you house will look like when you are done, will result in helping you stay the course. It is easier to clean. As a result, friends and family are invited over more often. Likewise, when you need something, you be able to find it. Most of all, realize that you will be living in the now, today and not in the past.

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Do you face overstuffed closets that begin your morning ritual stressed? Do you think your kitchen is too small? Are your cabinets and drawers packed? Is your kitchen so cluttered that the idea of cooking anything is overwhelming?

Clutter sets your boundaries in other ways. It can isolate you by reducing your desire to entertain guests. Think of the example an excess of stuff  sends to your children.  It limits your movement through your space. limiting how you can use your space and is possibly a safety hazard.  An overflowing space makes it difficult and more time consuming to try to clean. 

Walk through your space and stand in each room.  Just stand in there and verbalize to yourself how you feel about the space.  Do you feel calm or are you beginning to feel uncomfortable?  Have you opened the door and said to yourself ‘I can’t deal with this now’?

De-cluttering give you peace, space. more money, more time and freedom. 

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